In my last post, I said that masculinity is defined by five metaphoric disciplines.  These disciplines are groups of virtues and characteristics organized around a central metaphor.  Ideally, as a boy grows, his parents train these disciplines into him:  planting and cultivating them in him, then orienting them in the right direction.

The first of these metaphoric disciplines is that of the Explorer, whose central desire is to discover, to increase knowledge or territory for “the good guys.”  Explorers are also visionaries; their imaginations fuel them with purpose and feed their courage.  Their vision of how their discoveries will improve the world enables them to take great personal risks, to journey fearlessly into new territories.

Conquer and Subdue
Give two girls a doll, a teapot, and a blanket, and they will have a tea party and put the doll down for a nap.  Give the same items to two boys, and they will create a hostage situation:  the doll must be rescued from the bomb in the teapot.  Use the blanket as camouflage to get close enough to thump the bad guys and rescue the girl.  Conquer and subdue.  Save the day.

The central motivation of the Explorer is a deep-felt desire to conquer and subdue—to exercise dominion.  This is why boys love tree forts and playing war.  This desire for dominion seems inherent in most boys, and parents (especially fathers) must be wise to cultivate it.  This can be difficult, especially when the boy practices his conquering skills on his sister by whacking her on the head with his toy sword.  Parents often respond by attempting to squash all such behavior, telling him to play nice.  While this may be an understandable response, it is actually quite dangerous.

The problem with the boy’s behavior here isn’t his desire to crack something on the head with a sword:  this should be heartily encouraged (the father should grab his sword and join his son).  The problem in this case is the target:  sisters are to be protected by brothers, not attacked.  Parents should correct the boy for hitting his sister (“only bad guys hit girls”), and then redirect his sword toward the bad guys in the back yard.  Give him your blessing and send him off to battle the forces of darkness between your porch and back fence.  Finish your work and join him.

Many people become nervous when I talk about encouraging little boys to conquer and subdue.  After all, our culture has given these words the connotation of violence, war crimes, oppression, etc.  But masculinity doesn’t consist only of “conquering and subduing”; it must go on to learn how to cultivate and protect, to learn wisdom and discipleship.  Learning these things will teach him what to do after he has conquered and subdued.

Cultivating Exploration
Sons imitate their fathers.  The discipline of the Explorer requires oversight and example.  Sons with a robust, properly oriented ability to conquer and subdue have simply imitated their father’s own vigorous example.  This example begins with boyhood play, as described above.  Fathers should slay dragons with their sons, reclaim bedrooms from bad guys, and cut off the head of the giants hiding in the closet.  One great father once wrote, “It seems to me that a father ought most surely to carry the genuineness, the enthusiasm, the aliveness, the wholesome beginnings of an all-round, well-developed boyhood clean over into his life with his own boys.”

When boys become older, fathers should begin (as soon as possible) to teach them a more subtle type of dominion:  how to take things apart and fix them.  Begin with simple things like broken toys (or really annoying ones that you wish were broken), then move on to old appliances and engines.  Involve boys in any kind of construction or remodeling project.  Teach your son the feel of tools and the proper operation of them.  Teach him when to use them and on what (dad’s laptop is off-limits).  Then give him lots of opportunity to practice on his own.

Even recreation and vacation become opportunities to train boys in the discipline of the Explorer.  Geocaching, hiking, fishing, hunting, and boating are obvious activities to cultivate this discipline.  But so are birding, stargazing, tidepool exploration, photography, and cooking; these activities also teach a subtler form of dominion—classification and organization of the natural world, and mastery of natural materials in artistic creation.

What About the Girls?
Apart from the daughter getting whacked by the plastic sword, this entire article has dealt only with boys and dads.  So what about daughters?  What should a manly dad do with his daughters and the discipline of exploration?

First of all, masculinity and feminity are two different things.  Dads who raise their girls the same way as their boys are asking for trouble and heartache.  This doesn’t mean that girls should never be allowed to play with toy swords or go geocaching.  But fathers should be training their daughters toward feminity, just as they are training their sons toward masculinity.  In general, boys will become fathers, girls will become mothers.  Boys who prefer dolls to swords will likely become weak fathers.  Girls who prefer swords to dolls will likely become cold, cruel mothers.

The father knows his son will grow up to be a husband—and therefore teaches him to be a true man.  He also knows his daughter will grow up to be a wife—and therefore teaches her to desire a true man as her husband.  The father’s discipline of the Explorer gives his son an example to imitate.  And it gives his daughter a picture of true masculinity, so that she will be attracted to nothing less than the real thing.

I plan to write a series of posts on femininity in the future.  Until then, my advice to manly dads is to love daughters visibly (lots of hugs, kisses, etc.).  Make them feel secure as your daughter and therefore as a woman; the quality of your fatherhood should secure, affirm, and protect their femininity.  Protect them with wisdom, and model true masculinity for them.

Time to get down to business.  In the last few posts, I stated that masculinity is most manly in the realm of fatherhood.  But what exactly do I mean by “manly”?  Hairy-chested scotch-drinkers?  Pipe-smoking gun owners?  Tattooed torsos attached to 22-inch biceps?

Though these definitions will make for great posts in the future, my definition of “manly” begins with a set of metaphors.  Any other kind of definition tends to fall short somehow, since we really only come to know masculinity by hearing story after story of what true men say and do.

Having heard my share of stories about manly men, I believe that masculinity is defined by five metaphoric disciplines:  a true man is an explorer, cultivator, protector, sage, and disciple.

1.  Explorer
Stories of exploration and adventure make up the lion’s share of boyhood reading—as they should. This attraction is fueled by the first and most obvious aspect of masculinity: men are explorers, adventurers in unknown lands. They journey fearlessly into new territories, taking courageous risks.  When faced with a choice of routes in some subterranean terror-tomb, they sniff for the fresher air, cinch their belts and set off again.  True men are eager to discover and adventure.

2.  Cultivator
After the successful adventure, the newly discovered land must be transformed from wildness to fruitfulness. This requires the explorer to become a cultivator, a gardener.  Gardeners clear weeded ground, trim cluttered branches, nurture natural fruitfulness into even greater abundance. Cultivation always strives to create life-bearing goodness. True men don’t just explore and conquer; they also enhance and improve.

3.  Protector
Once cultivated, the land must be protected from outside harm: insects, disease, drought, sloth of the cultivator. The third aspect of masculinity orients itself toward protecting the good things of the new, cultivated territory—whether fruit trees in his orchard, or the young plants around his dinner table.

4.  Sage
The fourth role of a true man is that of the sage—the wisdom-gatherer. Exploration, cultivation, and protection cannot be effectively accomplished merely by a strong right arm. Brute strength is effective only in the short-term (if even then). Wisdom brings forethought, the ability to anticipate threats and overcome them.  Wisdom brings insight and discernment, the ability to perceive the true natures of things. Without wisdom, the glory of cultivation will fall to unexpected enemies—both external and internal.

5.  Disciple
In spite of how successful he has been at the first four manly roles, a true man realizes that he is actually a very weak being in a world that is far larger than he can ever understand. He acknowledges his frailty in understanding, in strength, in virtue—and then becomes a disciple of the greatest example of wisdom and virtue that he can find.  Discipleship then shapes all the other aspects of his manhood. His exploration, cultivation, protection, and wisdom-seeking are all molded by what he learns through this last discipline.

Summary
These five aspects complement and balance each other, so all of them must be pursued at the same time.  A cultivator who isn’t a sage and disciple becomes a tyrant. A sage with no experience as a protector becomes an arrogant talking head. And discipleship without the discipline of exploration and protection leads to effeminacy.

In the next few posts, we’ll explore how each of these metaphors should be applied to fatherhood. When we’re done, hopefully you will agree with me that fatherhood is the place where manhood is fully realized.  If you want to read more about this subject, check out Future Men, the source for my five categories.  But you should also read The Odyssey and The Lord of the Rings; both stories have heroes who demonstrate these disciplines in important ways.  If you haven’t read them, fix that flaw today (only watching the movies doesn’t count)!

You can also practice these disciplines of masculinity by leaving a comment. If I’m wrong about this stuff, be a Protector and correct me. If I’m right, be a Sage and join the discussion. (If you happen to be a female reader, your input is most welcome as well.)